Category: The Chickens

Fun backstories, stats and counters for every chicken in the flock.

  • Suicide Bomber Chicken

    Suicide Bomber Chicken

    The Chickens · File #3

    Suicide Bomber Chicken

    Backstory, stats and how to beat it.

    Suicide Bomber Chicken
    Service record

    At a glance

    Threat🥚🥚🥚 (3/5)
    HP18.0
    Speed1.30
    Eggs dropped3
    Official file: “Volunteered for a mission it did not fully understand. It understands the explosions though.”
    The story so far

    Backstory

    There is a recruiting poster somewhere in chicken country, badly photocopied and nailed to a fence post, that reads: YOUR FARM NEEDS YOU. Below it, in smaller letters, it adds: TRAINING PROVIDED. MISSION UNSPECIFIED. The Suicide Bomber Chicken is the reason that poster worked. It volunteered before anyone finished reading the fine print, signed with an X, and asked only one question: does the mission have explosions?

    It did not fully understand the mission. It still does not. What it understands — what it has always understood — is explosions. It understands them the way a musician understands a favourite song: deeply, personally, and with perfect timing. Everything else about the briefing went in one ear and out the other, which is remarkable, because chickens do not have ears.

    It is fast, direct and utterly committed. It does not stop for distractions, does not slow for walls, and does not flinch at the sight of your Gatling — it simply closes the distance with the calm of something that has already heard the countdown in its head. The only question on the field is whether it reaches your towers, or your towers reach it first.

    What it’s good at

    Closing distance at alarming speed, ignoring distractions, and turning your defence line into a very short fireworks show.

    How to beat it

    High-speed suicide bomber — take it out before it reaches your towers. Fast-firing towers (Gatling, Egg-Beater, Laser) plus knockback or stuns stop it cold; fans and sticky cheese can shove it off course entirely.

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  • Exploding Chicken

    Exploding Chicken

    The Chickens · File #2

    Exploding Chicken

    Backstory, stats and how to beat it.

    Exploding Chicken
    Service record

    At a glance

    Threat🥚🥚 (2/5)
    HP14.0
    Speed1.25
    Eggs dropped2
    Official file: “A former firework test subject. It has accepted its fate. It has also accepted yours.”
    The story so far

    Backstory

    Somewhere in a classified corner of the poultry programme, a chicken signed a waiver it could not read and became a firework test subject. The experiments were loud, frequent and never once successful in the way the scientists hoped. The chicken, for its part, emerged from every blast with the same look: a calm, egg-shaped acceptance of the inevitable.

    It has accepted its fate. It has also accepted yours. That is the part the farm keeps forgetting to prepare for. The Exploding Chicken does not want to reach your door because it is hungry — it wants to reach your door because reaching your door is the loudest way to end the conversation. If you kill it first, the conversation ends anyway. Either way, there is a blast radius.

    It waddles into battle like a philosopher carrying a suitcase full of fireworks: resigned, polite, and extremely dangerous to be near. The only mercy is that its fuse is short and its aim is terrible — it will happily detonate in the middle of its own flock, which is the one thing it does better than anything else.

    What it’s good at

    Detonating, chain reactions, and turning your doorstep into a very loud surprise.

    How to beat it

    Kill it at range — it detonates in a blast radius when it dies or reaches the door. Ballistas, lasers and sniper towers keep the boom far from your board; even better, let it pop inside a crowd of its own flock.

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  • Zombie Chicken

    Zombie Chicken

    The Chickens · File #14

    Zombie Chicken

    Backstory, stats and how to beat it.

    Zombie Chicken
    Service record

    At a glance

    Threat🥚🥚 (2/5)
    HP60.0
    Speed0.60
    Eggs dropped3
    Official file: “It came back for the grain. It does not remember what it was going to do with the grain.”
    The story so far

    Backstory

    There was a grain incident. Nobody at the farm will say what happened, which is how you know it was bad, and the official report simply reads: “subject buried at the edge of the cornfield, near the silo.” Three nights later the subject stood up, brushed itself off, and began shambling toward the grain it had come back for. It does not remember what it was going to do with the grain. It remembers only that the grain matters, and that something between it and the grain is in the way.

    The Zombie Chicken is tough in the way old farm equipment is tough — no speed, no strategy, no particular interest in your defences, just a slow, unstoppable conviction that it is owed corn. It moans in a key that sounds like a broken weathervane, and it will shamble through a hailstorm of cheap shots without so much as flinching, because in its heart it has already accepted that it is dead and everything after this is bonus time.

    It is not angry. It is not even hungry, really. It is simply, eternally confused — and confusion, given enough mass and enough time, is its own kind of siege engine.

    What it’s good at

    Shambling through cheap shots, soaking up splash damage, and making your cheaper towers feel pointless.

    How to beat it

    Tough and slow — strong single-target fire. Lasers, ballistas, scarecrow snipers and upgraded towers chew through it; splash damage just bounces off.

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  • Baby Chick

    Baby Chick

    The Chickens · File #12

    Baby Chick

    Backstory, stats and how to beat it.

    Baby Chick
    Service record

    At a glance

    Threat🥚 (1/5)
    HP8.0
    Speed1.50
    Eggs dropped1
    Official file: “Tiny, fast, and full of unearned confidence. It has never seen a castle it didn’t want to peck.”
    The story so far

    Backstory

    Nobody remembers hatching the first Baby Chick. One morning there were eggs. By lunch there were dozens, and by dinner there was a coordinated pecking campaign against a castle that had done absolutely nothing to them. That is the Baby Chick in a nutshell: no plan, no memory of a slight, no shortage of enthusiasm.

    It is tiny, fast and full of unearned confidence — the kind of confidence that comes from never having lost anything more serious than a staring contest with a scarecrow. It has never seen a castle it didn’t want to peck, and it will peck it until either the castle falls or somebody feeds it. It does not know which outcome it prefers.

    On their own, Baby Chicks are harmless to the point of adorable. In swarms they’re the flock’s version of a water-balloon fight: harmless individually, unstoppable collectively, and absolutely everywhere at once. The trick is not to let them accumulate — a funnel full of chicks is a funnel doing nothing else.

    What it’s good at

    Being tiny, being fast, pecking things it has never met, and clogging your funnels with sheer numbers.

    How to beat it

    Tiny and fast — one hit kills it, but swarms clog funnels. Egg-beaters, popcorn, fans and traps thin the flock before it piles up at the door.

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  • Standard-Issue Chicken

    Standard-Issue Chicken

    The Chickens · File #1

    Standard-Issue Chicken

    Backstory, stats and how to beat it.

    Standard-Issue Chicken
    Service record

    At a glance

    Threat🥚 (1/5)
    HP22.0
    Speed1.00
    Eggs dropped1
    Official file: “Raised in a government warehouse. Follows the manual. The manual says ‘march’.”
    The story so far

    Backstory

    Deep in a beige government warehouse, under fluorescent lights that hum like paperwork, the first Standard-Issue Chicken rolled off the line. It did not cluck. It filed. Its personnel file is 47 pages long, and every single page says the same thing: MARCH.

    The Standard-Issue Chicken is the backbone of the siege — the one that shows up on time, follows the manual to the letter and never improvises. It doesn’t explode, sneak or philosophise. It marches. That makes it quietly dangerous: a steady line of these birds down your lane spends your cheap shots and clears a path for the interesting chickens doing the real damage.

    It has no secret weaknesses and no hidden strengths. It is, in every sense, standard. The manual says this is a compliment. The manual is wrong.

    What it’s good at

    Marching in straight lines, obeying orders, and looking mildly disappointed when your tower fires at it.

    How to beat it

    No tricks — any defence works. Point your cheapest tower at it and save the clever counters for its cousins.

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