Category: The Chickens

Fun backstories, stats and counters for every chicken in the flock.

  • The Gun-Turner

    The Gun-Turner

    The Chickens · File #17

    The Gun-Turner

    Backstory, stats and how to beat it.

    The Gun-Turner
    Service record

    At a glance

    Threat🥚🥚🥚🥚 (4/5)
    HP70.0
    Speed0.80
    Eggs dropped6
    Official file: “It doesn’t destroy your guns. It recruits them. Then it hatches. Then everyone is chickens.”
    The story so far

    Backstory

    Most invaders break things. The Gun-Turner does not break things. The Gun-Turner interviews them. It reaches the first defence on your field, stops, looks at it with the calm of a recruiter who has seen every résumé, and makes an offer the tower cannot refuse: join the flock, or keep being a tower. Every tower has accepted so far. The offer is apparently very good.

    It does not destroy your guns. It recruits them. The Gatling stops firing at chickens and starts hatching them — a converted defence is now a chicken spawner, and the chickens it spawns are not grateful. They are numerous. That is the entire problem with the Gun-Turner’s plan: it is very good at converting one tower, and then it hatches, and then everyone is chickens.

    The farm has a protocol for this, written in the margin of a manual and underlined three times: kill it fast. Not the tower it recruited — that one is already gone — the Gun-Turner itself, before it reaches a second defence. One interview is a setback. Two is a coup.

    What it’s good at

    Recruiting your defences, hatching, and making everyone chickens.

    How to beat it

    Turns the first defence it reaches into a chicken spawner — kill it fast. Prioritise it above everything; one converted tower is a setback, two is a coup.

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  • The Misguided Missile

    The Misguided Missile

    The Chickens · File #21

    The Misguided Missile

    Backstory, stats and how to beat it.

    The Misguided Missile
    Service record

    At a glance

    Threat🥚🥚🥚🥚 (4/5)
    HP12.0
    Speed3.20
    Eggs dropped0
    Official file: “A chicken that behaves like a jet plane with the decision-making skills of a potato. Fast as hell, dumb as bricks.”
    The story so far

    Backstory

    The Misguided Missile is a chicken that behaves like a jet plane with the decision-making skills of a potato. The potato, to be clear, is in charge. It was loaded into a launch tube one windy afternoon, given a button it was told not to press, and immediately pressed it. Nobody who witnessed the launch has agreed to describe the aftermath, but the farm’s radar has never recovered its sense of humour.

    Fast as hell, dumb as bricks. It screams across the field at speeds that make the other chickens duck, steered by a navigation system that one disgraced technician described as “a potato that took a class.” It does not dodge. It does not aim. It goes, and whatever is in front of it when the fuel runs out is what it hits — a tower, a wall, a cluster of its own allies, the farm door, or, on its proudest day, absolutely nothing at all.

    It explodes on impact, which is the only part of its behaviour that is completely reliable. The farm’s only comfort is that its aim is so bad it frequently performs crowd control on the flock’s behalf. The missile does not know this. The missile does not know anything. It is very fast, and it is very free.

    What it’s good at

    Going very fast, exploding on impact, and hitting anything — including its own side.

    How to beat it

    Fast, explodes on impact, terrible aim — it may hit anything, including its own. Keep fragile towers off its flight line; it often does your crowd control for you.

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  • Bureaucrat Chicken

    Bureaucrat Chicken

    The Chickens · File #5

    Bureaucrat Chicken

    Backstory, stats and how to beat it.

    Bureaucrat Chicken
    Service record

    At a glance

    Threat🥚🥚🥚 (3/5)
    HP30.0
    Speed0.85
    Eggs dropped3
    Official file: “Carries a scroll at all times. It once got a wall demolished with a strongly worded letter.”
    The story so far

    Backstory

    Some chickens hatch with a pecking order in their hearts. The Bureaucrat Chicken hatches with a scroll in its wing and a grievance in its soul. It carries the scroll at all times — through meals, through sieges, through the withering scorn of every other chicken on the field. It is not reading the scroll. It is waiting for the right moment to file it.

    Do not underestimate the strongly worded letter. The Bureaucrat Chicken once got an entire wall demolished with one. The wall is still standing in the farm’s memory as a cautionary tale; the letter is framed in the coop’s main office, where it has inspired at least four other letters. Walls, fences and other physical obstacles are not obstacles to a bird that has learned that paperwork goes through things.

    Its one vulnerability is also its entire personality: the scroll. Shred it, and the Bureaucrat Chicken has nothing to file, nothing to say, and nothing to stand on — just a bird holding a handful of confetti, staring at a wall it can no longer explain.

    What it’s good at

    Carrying scrolls, demolishing walls with strongly worded letters, and filing past everything.

    How to beat it

    Carries a scroll — Paper Shredders destroy it before it files past walls. Shredders, loophole launchers and bureaucracy bombs turn its paperwork against it.

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  • Flying Chicken

    Flying Chicken

    The Chickens · File #15

    Flying Chicken

    Backstory, stats and how to beat it.

    Flying Chicken
    Service record

    At a glance

    Threat🥚🥚🥚 (3/5)
    HP16.0
    Speed1.35
    Eggs dropped3
    Official file: “Evolution finally paid off. It flies over walls, traps and common sense.”
    The story so far

    Backstory

    For millions of years, the ancestors of the Flying Chicken flapped, glided, and failed spectacularly at the one thing they were designed to do. Generations of birds threw themselves off ledges in the name of progress, achieved roughly one second of airborne panic, and landed in bushes that are now considered sacred ground. Then, one ordinary morning, evolution finally paid off. A chicken took off. It did not panic. It did not land in a bush. It flew.

    The Flying Chicken is the payoff of that entire ridiculous programme. It flies over your walls, over your traps, over the concept of a choke point, and — as the farm’s defenders have learned the hard way — over common sense. Ground-based obstacles mean nothing to it because it has decided, correctly, that the sky is an option.

    It is fast, it is smug, and it is terrible at landing, which is the only comfort available. Every flight ends in a small, undignified tumble that it pretends was intentional. But the important part — the part the farm has to remember — is that flying is not the same as being invincible. Ordinary towers still hit it. The sky is an option, but it is not a shield.

    What it’s good at

    Flying over walls, traps and common sense, being fast, and landing badly on purpose.

    How to beat it

    Flies over walls and traps — but ordinary towers still hit it. Lasers, gatlings and egg-beaters track it fine; walls just stop blocking for you.

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  • Ghost Chicken

    Ghost Chicken

    The Chickens · File #8

    Ghost Chicken

    Backstory, stats and how to beat it.

    Ghost Chicken
    Service record

    At a glance

    Threat🥚🥚🥚 (3/5)
    HP16.0
    Speed1.00
    Eggs dropped4
    Official file: “Died in a tragic egg-related incident. Only loud noises hurt it now. Also feelings.”
    The story so far

    Backstory

    The Ghost Chicken died in a tragic egg-related incident. The farm’s official report says nothing more, which is standard — the report also lists the cause as “breakfast,” and the signature line has been left blank for years because nobody wants to be the one to sign it. What is known is this: one morning there was a chicken, and by second breakfast there was a slightly translucent chicken with a lot of questions.

    It floats. It floats over your traps, over your walls, over the concept of being contained. Normal defences pass through it like it isn’t there, because, tragically, it mostly isn’t. But the Ghost Chicken is not immune to everything — only loud noises hurt it now. A bell, a chime, a siren, a gong: sound is the one thing that reaches through to the other side. Also feelings. Feelings hurt it terribly, which is why it prefers to haunt the far end of the field, far from the geese.

    It does not peck so much as pass through things, radiating a low, constant, mournful clucking that the farm’s living chickens pretend not to hear. If you can stand the sound of a bell long enough to ring one in its path, it will fade — but it will be back. Ghosts always come back. Especially when there’s breakfast.

    What it’s good at

    Floating over traps, passing through walls, ignoring everything that isn’t loud, and being tragically translucent.

    How to beat it

    Floats over traps — only sound-based defences damage it. Bell towers, chimes, sirens, gongs and cluckbusters are the only things it fears; ring one in its path.

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  • Heavy Metal Chicken

    Heavy Metal Chicken

    The Chickens · File #9

    Heavy Metal Chicken

    Backstory, stats and how to beat it.

    Heavy Metal Chicken
    Service record

    At a glance

    Threat🥚🥚🥚 (3/5)
    HP130.0
    Speed0.42
    Eggs dropped6
    Official file: “Headbangs so hard it knocks down structures. Its neck is insured for 40 eggs.”
    The story so far

    Backstory

    One night, somewhere behind the silo, a chicken found a cassette tape. It was cracked, half-rewound, and labelled in handwriting that said only: LOUD. Nobody knows what was on the other side. Everybody knows what happened after — the chicken who found it has not stopped headbanging since. The barn lights flicker when it walks past. The geese filed a noise complaint.

    The Heavy Metal Chicken is slow, but slow is not the same as gentle. Every headbang is a percussion instrument built from your walls: one thump and the fence remembers what wood is for; two thumps and the wall starts reconsidering its life choices. Its neck, the farm’s insurance actuary will tell you through tears, is insured for 40 eggs — a figure that increases every time it hits a structure, because the claims department has stopped answering its calls.

    It does not chase you. It does not need to. It walks toward the nearest structure at the pace of a very determined parade, head down, rhythm internal, and the only mercy is that it cannot headbang and move at the same time. The moment it stops to rock out, it is completely still — which is your only cue to hit it with everything you have.

    What it’s good at

    Headbanging, knocking down structures, and maintaining a neck insurance policy the claims department regrets.

    How to beat it

    Slow but smashes structures — soften it before it reaches your walls. Heavy single-target fire from range (ballistas, lasers, scarecrows) plus reinforced walls handles the encore.

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  • Killer Chicken

    Killer Chicken

    The Chickens · File #13

    Killer Chicken

    Backstory, stats and how to beat it.

    Killer Chicken
    Service record

    At a glance

    Threat🥚🥚🥚 (3/5)
    HP30.0
    Speed1.20
    Eggs dropped3
    Official file: “Not a metaphor. It has a knife and a mission. The mission is you.”
    The story so far

    Backstory

    Somewhere between the coop and the cornfield, a chicken found a knife. It did not find the knife. The knife found it — the way a tool finds its purpose, which is to say that both of them were looking for each other. The chicken picked it up, tested the edge on a fence post, nodded once, and became something the coop committee had no standing to regulate.

    Not a metaphor. It has a knife and a mission. The mission is you. It does not care about the farm door, the grain silo, or your perfectly reasonable zoning complaints. It moves fast, it strikes hard, and it has the kind of single-minded focus that makes other chickens uncomfortable at parties. Its references check out; the references refuse to talk about it.

    It works alone. It does not monologue. It does not leave notes, unless you count the one scratched into the gate that simply reads: YOU. If it ever learns to open doors, the farm is finished.

    What it’s good at

    Fast melee with extra damage, dramatic entrances, and making the mission extremely personal.

    How to beat it

    Fast melee with extra damage — any damaging tower handles it. No tricks, no stealth, no backup plan: a laser, gatling or shotgun in its lane ends the contract early.

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  • Large Chicken

    Large Chicken

    The Chickens · File #16

    Large Chicken

    Backstory, stats and how to beat it.

    Large Chicken
    Service record

    At a glance

    Threat🥚🥚🥚 (3/5)
    HP90.0
    Speed0.65
    Eggs dropped5
    Official file: “A normal chicken, but bigger. It has been eating its vegetables. And the vegetables’ neighbours.”
    The story so far

    Backstory

    The Large Chicken began as an ordinary chicken — the kind that pecks, naps, and files minor complaints with the coop committee. Then it discovered vegetables. Not a salad. Not a side dish. Vegetables as a lifestyle. It ate its greens, its yellows, its oranges, and, eventually, the neighbouring garden’s greens, yellows and oranges. The neighbours were not consulted.

    It is a normal chicken, but bigger. Not special, not mutated, not blessed — simply the result of an eating programme pursued with the dedication of a bird that has decided the manual is wrong and the garden is right. It has been eating its vegetables, and the vegetables’ neighbours, and by now it has a diet plan the farm’s nutritionist refuses to discuss in public.

    On the field it is slow, patient and enormously hard to stop. It does not sprint, sneak or explode. It walks, and every cheap tower that plinks at it simply confirms what it already knew: there is more of it than there is of your ammunition.

    What it’s good at

    Being a very large HP pool, absorbing cheap shots, and making your low-cost towers feel like toys.

    How to beat it

    A big HP pool — bring heavy damage. Ballistas, lasers, scarecrows and upgraded Gatlings chew through it; cheap plinks just bounce off.

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  • Spy Chicken

    Spy Chicken

    The Chickens · File #7

    Spy Chicken

    Backstory, stats and how to beat it.

    Spy Chicken
    Service record

    At a glance

    Threat🥚🥚🥚 (3/5)
    HP26.0
    Speed1.10
    Eggs dropped4
    Official file: “Wears a tiny trench coat. Went to chicken espionage school. Graduated second in a class of one.”
    The story so far

    Backstory

    The chicken espionage school accepts one student per generation. Its single graduate — class of one, valedictorian by default — emerged wearing a tiny trench coat, a hat that offers no concealment whatsoever, and the unshakeable belief that nobody has noticed any of this. It graduated second in a class of one. The school insists this is a ranking system. Nobody at the school has explained who came first.

    The Spy Chicken walks onto the battlefield the way a shadow walks into a room: confidently, suspiciously, and with a tiny notepad. It does not fight. It does not need to. Once per wave it selects one of your defences at random, disables it with a flick of its wing, and moves on as though absolutely nothing happened. Your Gatling stops mid-burst. Your bell goes quiet. The flock marches past a tower that has suddenly remembered it is an ornamental statue.

    It keeps no files on you. It keeps files on your placement habits, which is worse. Every tower you build in the same spot twice is a tower the Spy Chicken has already written down, folded neatly, and tucked into its tiny coat.

    What it’s good at

    Wearing a tiny trench coat, looking deeply suspicious, and disabling one of your defences every wave.

    How to beat it

    Disables one random defence per wave — keep spares on hand. Redundant coverage means one silenced tower never becomes a gap, and rebuilt defences are already paid for.

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  • Stealth Chicken

    Stealth Chicken

    The Chickens · File #4

    Stealth Chicken

    Backstory, stats and how to beat it.

    Stealth Chicken
    Service record

    At a glance

    Threat🥚🥚🥚 (3/5)
    HP20.0
    Speed0.90
    Eggs dropped3
    Official file: “Trained in a barn that was actually a shadowy intelligence agency. It clucks in Morse code.”
    The story so far

    Backstory

    The barn on the hill had no chickens in it for years, which was the first clue. The second clue was that the hens it eventually housed all entered through a door that only opened at midnight, and none of them ever came back out as hens. The Stealth Chicken was recruited there: trained in shadow-walking, dust-step discipline and the ancient art of not being where the light is.

    It clucks in Morse code. This is not a quirk. This is procedure. Every “bok” you cannot hear is a message you were not meant to receive, and every silence between them is a signature that the farm’s intelligence staff — a slightly worried cat — has never managed to trace.

    When idle, the Stealth Chicken is invisible. Not camouflaged, not sneaky — simply absent from your perception until it decides otherwise. The farm learns of its presence the way one learns of a draft: suddenly, quietly, and slightly too late. Its cover only breaks when something makes a sound it cannot ignore — and sound, mercifully, is the one thing its training never taught it to survive.

    What it’s good at

    Disappearing when idle, moving in silence, Morse-code mischief, and making the farm genuinely paranoid.

    How to beat it

    Invisible when idle — bells and sound defences reveal it. Any bell, chime, siren or cluckbuster burns its cover, so keep one near the gate and it stops being a mystery.

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